Dating Dilemmas:
Handling Hair Loss Conversations
Written by Key Contributor Bradley Webber
During my time working within this industry, I have met more men and women than I can comprehend and no one person deals with their hair loss in the same way. In fact, it would be unreasonable to expect them to. If you think back to any incidences in life where people close to you have experienced something and you’ve thought to yourself “well that’s an overreaction” or “if that were me, I would react differently”. Well, exactly, case closed!
In previous blogs, we have touched upon the stages of coming to terms with hair loss, and whether we ever really do, but one thing is for sure – it becomes a part of us which, given it is a physical attribute, when forming relationships with others we may feel the need to disclose.
Given that we all navigate our hair loss journeys in different ways, at different speeds, and overall are different people, things are never that clear-cut, so there certainly is no right or wrong way to do so.
In our most recent Podcast, we jumped on a call with Eve Betts, a candidate from Channel 4’s First Dates, who caused quite a stir in both print and online outlets when she removed her wig to reveal that she had Alopecia during her date with fellow candidate Jordan. Although, it quickly became apparent during our conversation that things weren’t as they seemed from the footage, pieced together carefully to make captivating television.
You can hear the whole story on our podcast here:
From the questions sent in by our listeners, the anxiety that came up the most was when to disclose hair loss to the person that you’re dating. Of course, Eve offers an insight, eternalised on film, into an extreme version of the reality of dating with hair loss when the date itself is filmed and watched by a nation of people to scrutinise for entertainment. One thing that remains the same for us all though is that if you’ve something that you feel you need to disclose to somebody you want to form a bond based on honesty and trust with, there must be a time that (as a general rule of thumb) is best to do so – no?
“There’s no going back from First Dates, everybody knows I’ve got no hair, I can’t really hide it now so I’m very lucky and I know most people aren’t in that position” Eve says.
However, delving deeper Eve recommends being open and honest from the get-go, and she doesn’t mean you need to whip that wig or hairpiece off publicly (as she did) and share hairless images on your online dating profile. Eve, simply explains that she’s learned to disclose her hair loss before going on dates with men who she’s been speaking with for a while and has a good feeling about.
“It saves a lot of potential heartache for yourself, and almost pulls the plaster off straight away if they do have an issue with it. Then, if they don’t, you can move forward and feel like they know maybe, what is to me, the worst thing about me and as long as they know that and are comfortable to go out, it might be my attitude they don’t like and not the fact that I have no hair!”.
In contrast to this however, if you do not think this is somebody that you are really that interested in or somebody that you are still unsure of, you are under no obligation to disclose any information that is personal to you. After all, you must ask yourself two questions: “am I ready to disclose this?” and “do I trust this person to handle this personal information that I am about to share with discretion and care?”.
I would argue that it is all about finding that right balance for yourself, and with most things relating to dating and forming relationships, it is a matter of heart and only you will really know when it is best to do so. Consult your friends, ensure that you tap into that support network around you and remember that it is there so that you feel solid and strong when stepping into opening that conversation.
More importantly, still, remember not to alienate or isolate yourself by thinking that you are alone in having to do this. It might not be hair loss related, but everybody has something which they want to lay on the table when entering something new – even if it is not something you can physically see. I’ve really come to learn that with age, and having been a part of my fair share of intense conversations with new partners when entering relationships. It’s a part of life, so don’t be disheartened, the majority of those have had great outcomes, even if the connections didn’t last as long as initially hoped.
I’m a strong believer in things only being embarrassing or an issue if we let them, and at the end of the day one thing is for sure, what is meant for you will find you and nothing will be able to send it on its way – remember that!
B x
To dive deeper into the topic of dating with hair loss check out our latest podcast here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2121301/12252278
Alternatively, you can stream this episode through Spotify or Apple Podcasts now!
